Hi Reader,
I've never told this story in full. Here it goes.
Years ago, my husband and I sat in overstuffed chairs in a therapist's office with brown wood paneling. We were there for our daughter, but his questions were directed at us.
Peering out over his glasses and balancing a notepad on his lap with a pen at the ready, he asked, "Tell me about your childhoods."
My husband sat in a chair opposite me started explaining he was known as the 'busy boy with a loud voice' and said many of his report cards were marked, "doesn't apply himself". As he continued to describe his childhood, my eyes widened as he checked off most the boxes on the ADHD assessment form I had filled out for our daughter.
Suddenly everything clicked all at once.
After leaving that office, I went straight to a bookstore, and pulled the few books I could find on ADHD. As I read the first book, I instantly saw us described on every page; the same fight on repeat, one of us forgetting, one of us reminding... Both of us exhausted.
What I believed back then is that if I stopped holding everything together, our family would fall apart. So I overfunctioned until I burned out.
Here's what I know now. The fights were never about the dishes, who was right, who was wrong, what was done, or not done. We were two stressed nervous systems stuck in the same loop without the tools, strategies or awareness to cope beyond the "just get through today" mentality.
I'm not here as someone with a perfect marriage. I'm here as someone in it, sharing what's worked in my own house and as an ADHD Coach.
Starting this week, on social media, I'm sharing more of it on video. Real stories, the things people think but don't say, and what to try instead.
(Including the chicken story. You'll see.)
Follow along here on Instagram.
And hit reply to tell me: In your relationship, are you the forgetter or the reminder?
I read every reply.
Heidi
